A Dancer’s Purpose
On a strange and fine day, a line came to me amidst the tangle of woolskein-thoughts in my head: There are two things that make sense of the world, Emotions and Time
Several years ago, just when I thought I was finally finding the belief that I was a dancer, the India I saw around me began avalanching at a very fast pace. As an Odissi dancer, I was a reluctantly-appointed ambassador of Indian culture, but all around me I could only see polarisation, bigotry, hate. None of the flowing, simultaneously surface and deep, mud-and-stars, nuanced India I had experienced because I had known it in dance. I was forced to question: What is Indian classical dance? What is Indian about it, why is it classical, and what is this dance? And more importantly, what do I have to offer to this world, through dance?
Deep down I knew, I had a map. That map has unfolded in the last few years as I’ve started gathering my thoughts about where dance meets life. On a strange and fine day, a line came to me amidst the tangle of woolskein-thoughts in my head: There are two things that make sense of the world, Emotions and Time. I knew that I had found a place where the twin worlds I know - dance and life - coalesce.
At first it started with a minor tresspass, just a handle, a method in the madness: how do I sort my world, this overwhelming uncertain, going-to-pot world I live in, into something that gives me direction. How to keep one’s head above water? What is precious, what matters? Emotions and time, I thought. My emotions, and others’ emotions. My time, and others’ time.
Entwined with that thought was this one, a permanent squatter of a thought: What do I have to bring to the world, this overwhelming universe I can rarely wrap my brain around?
I know how to read emotions; I know how to notice time; occupational hazards of being a classical dancer for two decades. These two things that were a mere given for me so far, I realised, are ever-present yet invisible, like a river gone underground. This is a river that asks to be resurrected; these are powers that ask to be cultivated today.
As I began dwelling more and more in these two homes, I found unending cabinets full of crystal and secret rooms that hadn’t been aired in a while; it was like being in a dream that was recurring through my waking life. In banal conversations, news snippets, ancient art, awkward signboards, pop culture references, food cooking on my stove, the smorgasbord of people’s faces I encountered everyday, I was reminded of the many ways that Indian classical dance makes visible the wisdom of emotions and time in life.
Emotions and time: these are the two continents of feeling that we all search for, and yet fear the most. We are scared of emotions taking us over; we are scared of time running out. And yet, our bodies are wired to want to feel intensely; time goes by so slowly until we fill it with all the infamous distractions of our age: tech, addictions, social media, romance, hatred.
For me, Emotions and Time are continents to traverse on foot if we want to get to the purpose of art itself. It’s what I need to do in order to answer the questions I started with: what is Indian, why classical, how is it dance?
Over the next few weeks, I will hike through these twin continents, and share what I see, and what I know from the horizons of Dance meeting Life. It’s a bit like a quest with no grail; all I hope is to find fellow travellers - the ocassional humsafar. If not, I will still be happy to will these observations into being. Someday perhaps, as I build this spidersilk web of the country I know, I will meet some people who found a home in it — along with me.
our bodies are wired to want to feel intensely and our minds are trained to not feel at all. Whether it’s Buddha’s teachings or the Gita. Accept what is, as is, and move on is proclaimed as the ultimate goal. Art is the bridge that connects the two. My two bits of contemplation relevant or not :)
Beautifully written. I loved the visual poetry of the Crystal cabinets and the musty rooms which demand to be aired. Looking forward to the next one.